So drunk its hurt
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
