dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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