The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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