what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
