Got a toothbrush?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
