So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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