My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
