youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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