they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
