It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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