I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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