I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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