Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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