I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
