apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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