Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
