i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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