Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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