yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
