All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
