Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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