tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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