i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
