i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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