I should be sponsored by Trojan
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
