at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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