im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The power of my boobs compel you
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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