stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
