i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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