am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
