You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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