Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
