I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
