Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
