3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
