Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
