i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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