guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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