i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
