i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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