whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
