What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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