I think I am morally bankrupt
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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