All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
