she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
