shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
