It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
