can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
