the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
