Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize