; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
