Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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