Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
