Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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