Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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