So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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