Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Bring me that man meat
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
