I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
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so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
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Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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