My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
