it hurts more in the daytime
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
