just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
