is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
