Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
