you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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