i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
