She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
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After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
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I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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