Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this boner is exhausting
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize