there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
