This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
