he looks like a really good dad on facebook
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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