Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
