I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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