Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
