He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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