i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
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He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
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My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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